Updates and apologies

A quick post about our playoff predictions thus far, sub-par suckahs (but seriously though, friend or foe, you're all our suckahs):

After 3 days we stand at a medium-rare 5-2. This approaches tar-tar once you statistically control for the fact that 3 of these games were much less predictions and much more statements after the fact. I'd like to apologize to Portland (and Zachary Coleman) specifically. They dominated when I thought they would falter. Anyway, Deron Williams, you are my sunshine. Hulk away.

Bullish on the Cavs

Cavaliers-Bulls:
In predicting this series I have the advantage of having been camping this weekend, which (as camping is wont to do) limited my access to Cable TV and the internet. I was therefore unable to post on this series before it started. This was compounded by the fact that, by the time I got around to writing this, the second game of the series ended. Therefore, I definitively know that the Cavs are up 2 games to none and can use this information to predict what will happen next. But, though I'm no frequentist, I didn't need this wealth of information and can throw it away in making my prediction. I need only to study LeBron's face to know the Cavs will win in 4.

This particular Cleveland team is stronger than the one we saw last year. The addition of Shaquille O'Neal and Antawn Jamison make a team many had favored to win it all last year, even more favored. Add to this a rested LeBron, the stinging hunger of a team that lost when they were expected to win (ask the Lakers, if you can rouse them from their current nap), and an expiring contract that may mean this is everybody's (well, everybody except LeBron's) last chance and you get a team that is so motivated to win that they will be tempted to strangle the CityCorps kids who hold the American Flag just to get the game started. These Cavs are not happy. And their lack of happiness makes me think they will eat everyone in their path from Orlando and LA to, should the fools make the mistake of taking them on, the national guard.

In the other corner you have a team that doesn't really belong in the playoffs. Sure, they gave us last year's greatest series. But without John Salmons and Ben Gordon and their 33 ppg its a miracle these kids made the playoffs at all. A "miracle" that was only made possible by a season ending injury to Chris Bosh (we wish Bosh the best and hope his features aren't too altered by his stitches for reasons that will eventually become apparent). Sure Rose and Noah are talented. But they're only slightly more talented than the top two players on any NBA team -- every team does, after all, have a couple of insanely good players. Slightly better than the minimal standard, mixed with Del Negro's sub-par coaching, is not enough to go head to head against the league's best. Expect The Cavs to crush like that machine that crushes cars. And expect to see the Real LBJ move on and up, trying in vain to satisfy his unquenchable thirst for opponents' heads. Expect to check back in with Chicago in July when they woo Bosh and Boozer.

Interesting Stories:
This is likely to be one of the least interesting series this year; nevertheless, it will likely have its moments. If the Cavs are able to actually win a championship I expect a non-trivial amount of ink will be spilled on Shaq (with the tacit assumption that he agrees to retire). Assuming the Cavs actually get past the Magic, his should be one of the more interesting stories this team has to offer. But before he can be crowned 6th best player of all time (if they fail, he'll be stuck at 7th), he's got an early challenge in Joakim Noah. Seeing how he does against Chicago's favorite ugly center (sorry, we're Garnett fans) may be a good indicator of what he'll bring to the Cavs this post-season. Similarly, going head to head against Shaq will be a good way to test the young Noah's mettle on both ends of the court. So far the consensus seems to be that Shaq is back, but let's see if the pattern holds over the rest of the quickest of all playoff series.

Prediction:
Cavs in 4

Rocky Mountain Rumble

Nuggets-Jazz:
The 4th and final playoff battle is the one closest to home (both literally and figuratively.) The Utah Jazz, after stumbling into the playoffs, have collided with another stumbler, the Denver Nuggets. Each team had high ambitions and looked as if it would actually live up to them (see: my prediction that the Jazz would finish 2nd in the West.) Unfortunately, each team also fell prey to injuries and has essentially been ignored (probably correctly) as a serious contender. Martin's injury gained a lot of speculation on a national level. He is Denver's best defender, rebounds the ball well, and scores a decent amount of points. Although he is probably a better player (or has a larger impact) then Kirilenko, no one seemed to notice (except for Jazz fans) just how much Utah suffered with AK out. This injury deserves just as much what-if style analysis as any other going into the playoffs. Now that Okur is also out for the season, this match up does not look all too good for us Jazz fans.

Interesting stories:
Deron Williams will probably continue his gnarly basketball shredding of any defense that has to stop him. It is truly a pleasure to watch him play. It will be interesting to see what happens with this Denver team in the playoffs also. Last year, everyone made a big deal about Billup's ability to calm an otherwise volatile team and bring out the best in the players around him. It now appears to me at least that Denver's natural pre-disposition to being a bunch of punks is outshining Chauncey's brilliant leadership. Will they melt down again or will the gain resolve? Only one way to find out and the ball don't lie.

Prediction:
Nuggets in 5 (Game 1, Game 2, Game 4, Game 5)

The Sun Don't Chill

Suns-Blazers:
Thus Suns are crushing right now. I think this is the 2nd best team in the Western Conference. Nash is experiencing a renaissance in his career, Stoudemire looks like a beast again, and if Robin Lopez gets back in action, this team will be all the better for it. The Blazers have had a really tough season. This blog predicted them to place 3rd in the conference, something I still wholeheartedly believe would have happened were they all healthy. Unfortunately, every team must take its risks, and the Blazers risks have been picking players with a history of injuries. Now they suffer the consequences. Without Roy, this series will serve much less as a competition between these two teams and more as an examination as to how serious Phoenix really is.

Interesting stories:
I always enjoy when Nash gets posted up, and with big bodied Miller, look for the Blazers to do this often. I think Camby is an interesting match up for Amare and Nate McMillan is possibly the coach of the year, so look for that to play out as well.

Prediction:
Suns in 5 (Game 1, Game 2, Game 4, Game 5)

Don't Mess With Texas

Mavericks-Spurs:
The 2-7 match up in the west is pretty intriguing. I really have not loved Dallas nearly as much as others, and I still don't. Hollinger had a great statistic on his most recent post that makes me favor the Mavs, however: team with a top 4 seed and have won the season math up (Dallas-3, San Antonio-1) have won 82% of the series and 41 in a row. Also, how old are the Spurs? Very old. Tim Duncan was not supposed to play in the month of March, and yet had to in order for the Spurs to make the playoffs. Were this series 1 or 2 years ago, I would have picked the Spurs in 5. Given the injuries and the home court advantage...different story.

Interesting stories:
We will get a great opportunity to really judge the caliber of those trades that the Mavs had earlier in the season. This has been a solid rivalry for a few years now, and that is always fun. I believe that this is the last year for the Spurs to be a dangerous playoff team with this current roster. Although they bored me to death when they won a few championships, I have to tip my hat to them and will enjoy watching them as they attempt to burn out instead of fade away.

Prediction:
Dallas in 6 (Game 1, Game 3, Game5, Game 6)

Talking about the playoffs?

Alright boys and girls, it's that time of the year that is better than any other. The sun is out, the clouds are down, and the playoffs are about to begin. As is our tradition, here are the annual picks for who will go where, starting with the Western Conference:

Lakers-Thunder:
Despite a $35,000 quip by the esteemed Jacksonian, this series will go to the Lakers, and quickly too. KD has really developed this year and it will be fun to see him average ~40 ppg on the national stage. Unfortunately, Rodman (Artest), the Cookie Monster (Odom), and Shithead (guess who!) will prove too much for the young guns and this should be similar to last season's 1-8 match-up

Interesting stories:
Durant will continue his maturation into one of the leagues top 2-3 scoring players. Phil Jackson joined the list of worst people ever (for an exhaustive collection, see here) by attacking the class-act-kid (CAK for short). Thus, I'll double my efforts for hoping that the Lakers get embarrassed by someone for the entirety of this series. Also, look for "Scotty" to be the next in a long line of esteemed coaches that steal Coach of the Year from Jerry Sloan. Seriously, I would win coach of the year with a 6-10 monster, or dinosaur? ;) that has the shooting ability of a great two, the handles of medium 1, and the scorability of a god.

Prediction:
Lakers in 5 (Game 1, Game 2, Game 4, Game 5)

First Annual All Dinosaur Team: Pt. 1 Compsognathus

So. We are fast approaching the end of an exciting basketball season. This blog will soon come alive as the national conscious switches from March Madness to April Aphasia. In honor of what is sure to be the most glorious epoch in this blog's already legendary canon, we have decided to kick off the festivities by choosing the first annual all dinosaur team. What is the all dinosaur team, you ask? The concept is simple: we answer the question that plagued America's greatest minds; namely, which ball players resemble which dinosaurs. Obviously, simply naming five players and five dinosaurs, while expeditious, would not be in keeping with the standards we have tried to live and blog by. Therefore we will develop a total team, complete with all five player positions, matching dinosaurs to players not only by dint of their physical resemblances, but by personality too.

Like most serious discussions of dinosaurs, ours will begin with the Compsognathus, the small, turkey sized dinosaur that could run quick and eat insects. This awesome dinosaur's obvious NBA correlate is none other than, friend to the blog, Rajon Rondo. Think about it for a minute. Rondo is small and quick. He exists in a world that is dominated by other larger dinosaurs: Garnett, Pierce, and Allen. That means he has to be highly evolved in order to survive. He has to be able to effortlessly dodge in and out of the legs of bigger dinosaurs. He also has to be somewhat of a pragmatist. Unlike the bigger, but ultimately peaceful herbivores, Pierce and Allen, Rondo can't afford to not eat whatever comes across his path. He might have to steal eggs, eat lizards, or even pin another dinosaur's claws behind its back when everyone is looking elsewhere. It is for all these reasons (plus, look at the guy) that Rajon Compsognathus Rondo is the first entry on our All Dino Team.