Late Nineties Redux

This time in the Bulls vs. Jazz series that so thrilled/suicidally dissapointed me as a youth, the issue is not back-to-back battles in the finals, but roster swapping; specifically, the Bulls taking a large swath of our roster from the past 4 seasons. It seems that the argument is that what was holding the Jazz back was a good defensive center (a very valid point) and the point guard skills of Derrick Rose (a much less valid point). But, since I like Brewer and (somewhat less) Korver and (much less -- bordering on luke-warm, take him or leave him sentiment) Boozer, I wish the new Bulls the best of luck in losing in the playoff's second round. Have fun guys, you earned it!

Bullish on the Cavs

Cavaliers-Bulls:
In predicting this series I have the advantage of having been camping this weekend, which (as camping is wont to do) limited my access to Cable TV and the internet. I was therefore unable to post on this series before it started. This was compounded by the fact that, by the time I got around to writing this, the second game of the series ended. Therefore, I definitively know that the Cavs are up 2 games to none and can use this information to predict what will happen next. But, though I'm no frequentist, I didn't need this wealth of information and can throw it away in making my prediction. I need only to study LeBron's face to know the Cavs will win in 4.

This particular Cleveland team is stronger than the one we saw last year. The addition of Shaquille O'Neal and Antawn Jamison make a team many had favored to win it all last year, even more favored. Add to this a rested LeBron, the stinging hunger of a team that lost when they were expected to win (ask the Lakers, if you can rouse them from their current nap), and an expiring contract that may mean this is everybody's (well, everybody except LeBron's) last chance and you get a team that is so motivated to win that they will be tempted to strangle the CityCorps kids who hold the American Flag just to get the game started. These Cavs are not happy. And their lack of happiness makes me think they will eat everyone in their path from Orlando and LA to, should the fools make the mistake of taking them on, the national guard.

In the other corner you have a team that doesn't really belong in the playoffs. Sure, they gave us last year's greatest series. But without John Salmons and Ben Gordon and their 33 ppg its a miracle these kids made the playoffs at all. A "miracle" that was only made possible by a season ending injury to Chris Bosh (we wish Bosh the best and hope his features aren't too altered by his stitches for reasons that will eventually become apparent). Sure Rose and Noah are talented. But they're only slightly more talented than the top two players on any NBA team -- every team does, after all, have a couple of insanely good players. Slightly better than the minimal standard, mixed with Del Negro's sub-par coaching, is not enough to go head to head against the league's best. Expect The Cavs to crush like that machine that crushes cars. And expect to see the Real LBJ move on and up, trying in vain to satisfy his unquenchable thirst for opponents' heads. Expect to check back in with Chicago in July when they woo Bosh and Boozer.

Interesting Stories:
This is likely to be one of the least interesting series this year; nevertheless, it will likely have its moments. If the Cavs are able to actually win a championship I expect a non-trivial amount of ink will be spilled on Shaq (with the tacit assumption that he agrees to retire). Assuming the Cavs actually get past the Magic, his should be one of the more interesting stories this team has to offer. But before he can be crowned 6th best player of all time (if they fail, he'll be stuck at 7th), he's got an early challenge in Joakim Noah. Seeing how he does against Chicago's favorite ugly center (sorry, we're Garnett fans) may be a good indicator of what he'll bring to the Cavs this post-season. Similarly, going head to head against Shaq will be a good way to test the young Noah's mettle on both ends of the court. So far the consensus seems to be that Shaq is back, but let's see if the pattern holds over the rest of the quickest of all playoff series.

Prediction:
Cavs in 4

This Week's Media Winners

In honor of the NBA summer media doldrums, here is an uplifting compilation of some choice gems.

Creepiest Off-Season Farewell (2009):
Ben Gordon parts ways with the Chicago Bulls this summer to the collective pounding of our techno hearts.


Most Creative Conspiracy Story (Everywhere, Soon):
The Chicago Bulls' logo is not what what it appears to be, but perhaps more frightening. Watch as a simple rotation reveals its true nature. No wonder resigning Gordon wasn't the first thing on their mind.






(Robot priest at high alter with text, preparing for human sacrifice...)

Best Media Mix (All-Time Award):
Steve Porter's "Press Hop" is truly among the sports world's elite montages.


Best Free Agent Negotiation Documentary (2009)
Jerry Buss discusses the subtleties of Lamar Odom's contract negotiations in this lucid look inside his Los Angeles empire.


Strangest Music Video (2009)
Toronto looks to welcome Hedo Turkoglu to its streets. Apparently they appreciate the cultural contribution that he (and his grandmother?) can offer their city.

(From Turkcell mobile, advertisement)