David Stern Shits The Bed

Nearly without exception, every time I've been to an NBA game, someone sitting near me who's been drinking beer remarks a little too loudly to his friend that of course the Lakers or the Celtics or the Heat were winning, because that's what makes the league money, because that's how David Stern wanted it. I've always considered these guys to be of the same type (though far more harmless) as those who claim that 9/11 was a conspiracy hatched by the CIA and the Mossad. Well, I no longer have that luxury. Like it or not, we're now living with a league that is no longer governed by teams, players, and coaches acting autonomously, where everyone was allowed to do what they thought would advance their careers, and everyone could pursue winning as best they knew how. By nixing the Chris Paul to the Lakers trade, the NBA has signaled strongly that basketball decisions are not up to a single team. As commissioner of the NBA, David Stern is responsible for that horrendous decision. He should resign.

Not to get too Ayn Randian about it, but if teams aren't allowed to do what they think is best for them, to make the decisions they think necessary to succeed, then what's the point in letting them compete at all? If it isn't going to be legitimate competition and just competition up to a point, what is the point of any of it? Why not just give every team a trophy and be done with it? I think that this decision has done irrevocable harm to the NBA. Far more than LeBron's ridiculous decision ever did. I hope that the NBA hears the outrage and overturns a fatally stupid mistake. Damage will be done, the league will be weakened, but not as badly as it is right now. It is far better to have indecisive fools at the top than fools at the top who insist on terrible decisions.

Don't get me wrong, I was not a huge fan of this trade. I thought that by snagging Scola, Lamar Odom, Kevin Martin, and the loose change that was Dragic and a draft pick, the Hornets did better than one could have possibly expected. That's at least two all star caliber players, scoring, rebounding, defense, and the chance to rebuild. The Rockets gave up a lot of the pieces they have been hoping to mesh around a hall of fame figure for a hall of fame figure in Gasol. And the Lakers made a gutsy and probably stupid move in putting two guys who are amazing, amazing basketball players who both need the ball, who injury might soon claim, and who would be playing under the strictest of scrutinies, on the same team. This would have likely blown up. It certainly would have blown up the Jackson system and everything that dude built. Since I hate the Lakers and like Chris Paul, I would not have liked this. I would start by defending him, find that he was taking to LA well, and quickly begin to hate him. Nonetheless, disappointed as I was at that prospect, I could hardly wait for basketball to start. It would have been amazing to see. Kobe could again be averaging 30 points a game. And Chris Paul, a master at collapsing defenses could, while feeding one of the best shooters in the game, have frequently racked up 20 assists.

Besides hurting the egos of Odom and Gasol and probably Scola and Martin (but who cares about the egos of those guys? They don't play in LA, am I right, sports world?) and making it very difficult for them to go back to their teams and give them their all, this arrangement irrevocably damaged New Orleans. Chris Paul is leaving. Under this trade his team got some value for him. Now that's gone. They'll have to play a season out while he eyes the exits and watch him go at the end for nothing. The NBA also killed this team's ability to operate autonomously. They totally undermined the idea of having this team at all. It's a huge shame that New Orleans has suffered the ravages of Hurricane Katrina, that an economy that could have supported an NBA team is really unable to after the storm, and that the league has to subsidize the team to keep it viable. The people of New Orleans deserve a lot of things, and an NBA team, while almost ridiculous next to other things that are needed, is certainly on that list. But for all the hardships that have befallen the city's basketball squad (including Chris Paul's knee problems) David Stern is the man who has given the Hornets its hardest blow. Subsidizing was meant to be a way to keep the team afloat, but if subsidizing means that the Hornets won't be allowed to be run like a team, then they might as well not exist at all. Why let the team dwindle away its resources until it has nothing left? Who the fuck wants to play for a team that's run this way? Who wants to root for a team like this -- a team that isn't run to win championships, but for the enjoyment and utility of the other owners throughout the league? All of those owners should be ashamed of themselves. They should think carefully how they would react if the league blocked a deal they made or invalidated a contract they offered (some of them might take a little hard to the comic sans). If the Hornets aren't going to be treated like a team, they should be disbanded. And if that's unappealing, then they should be left to their own devices.

This all came, pathetically, mere days after it was publically announced that Dell Demps could run the team however he wanted. It was like Brezhnev assuring the other communist states that they were autonomous countries, free to govern themselves how they saw fit within their own borders, and then turning around and invading Czechoslovakia. Stern has brought dishonor on the whole league. By ensuring New Orleans will get nothing for Paul, he has validated everyone who says that only a few teams matter. He has also invalidated the worth of all the other players in this trade, by acting as if it was too unbalanced to go down. Worst of all, he has remade the NBA in the image of the WWE. A fake show where athletes do not really compete and being champion is as useless as being the ref, where all that matters is the drama. David Stern has shit the bed. He has covered all the rest of us in his excrement and dealt a bad blow to the league and those who love it. Today should be his last day at the league's helm, because he can no longer steer the ship. He no longer seems capable of knowing where he's taking the league or what he's doing. And as he dicks around, professional basketball is changing for the worse. David Stern has been a blessing for basketball. He has truly built something huge and beautiful, an institution that rose from humble beginnings to attract a world following. But he has stayed on too long. And now, instead of adding to his creation, he is, one plank at a time, helping dismantle it.

The Suns Remain The Same

Although D'Antoni has not been the Suns' head coach for a few years now, and Amare has joined him in New York, the Suns are still playing their exciting kind of 7 second basketball. The Suns were a big question mark when this season started and many (including us) didn't see them making the playoffs. That may still be the case, but I have watched all three of the Suns' games so far this year and I think (with the exception of some slightly iffier than normal 3s and the pale shadow of Robin Lopez's finishing an easy pass compared to Stoudemire's) that they are essentially playing the same Sun 'n Gun basketball. What's fascinating is that they continue to play this kind of basketball even when they're playing their second unit and none of the players from their old glory days are in the game (they are also missing Kerr, their old CEO and GM, and whoever preceded him in those positions). It's very eerie, as if the spirit of the old Suns has somehow come to command the bodies of the new players. But where is this spirit located? Is it in the building, the climate, something in Arizona's water, is it the noise made by the boisterous fans, or something the coaching staff under Gentry teaches? Undoubtedly the last of those has something to do with it, but I can't help but think that part of the answer lies in Nash's passes (the name of my upcoming country album).



I mean, if you're receiving passes like that (and, if you have the athletic ability), then you can't help but play crazy, NBA Jam style basketball, right? Similarly, you can't help but play troubling at best defense as your expending most of your energy on offense and moving to quick to get into the firm positions good defense requires. (Note about the above video, please watch on mute.) I think one player and those who have played with him can come to command a team's spirit, defining it for ages, even after he is gone. That seems to be the case with the Los Angeles Lakers, who contain many players I have rooted for in the past and who I reserve the right to root for again in the future. Get them under the leadership of Phil Jackson and the "example" of Kobe Bryant, however, and they turn into a bunch of fucking assholes. The lasting team spirit is a fascinating theory of NBA teams and one that will see a lot of testing this year, as the league has been shaken up so much, and so many teams now have the opportunity to grow in new directions, remain the same, or wither on the vine. These are exciting times, dear readers; whether they mark the end of days or the rebirth of basketball Eden is, at this point, anyone's guess. I will keep you posted as I uncover more.

Hate Up

Deron Williams told the press, “I hate the Lakers. They’re so good. I hate them because they win all the time. They’re a tough team. … We definitely talk about it. It’s not a secret. We hate the Lakers.”

I guess that's better than where we were a couple of years ago, but it doesn't leave me generally inspired. It strikes me as the kind of desperate, surrendering hate of a crazed populous movement whose members know they're about to loose at the polls. Or the kind of hate you might have for a guy who rudely pushes past you at a bar but could clearly kick your ass. You would love to yell at him and demand he develop some manners and apologize, but are unfortunately bound by the Nietzchean laws of physical morals: he who controls physical pain controls moral pleasure. -- the best revenge, they say, is living well. But I'll take this guy and his ability to inflict a Bad News Bear like ending in which Kobe at least gets knocked the fuck down and everyone runs off waving their middle fingers.

What We Root for When We Root for (or against) Another

In preparation for the finals, I wanted to speak to you a little about the process of rooting for another team, other than your home team. My view of sports is that your home team is pretty much your team for life. The roster can change, the coaching staff can change, the stadium can change, the owner can express infuriatingly stupid political views you disagree with, your former star players can do horrible stuff (no just kidding, here), but you will still support the franchise. And I expect to keep doing so well into adulthood. There are a few reasons for doing this, none of them are perfect. Rooting for your home team (or the team you've always rooted for) connects you to your love of sports in childhood. It also allows you to follow events going on in the whole league, as you can pay attention to things from a single constant vantage point. Without looking through one team's journey, I think things get too confusing, and you get lost in too many details (much more true of all sports but football). For a lot of people, I think rooting for their team is a way to bond with their fathers. That's why Californians will root for New York teams and so on. And it is, in the end, a way to express loyalty to something and to feel part of a community.

Rooting for another team is a different kettle of fish entirely. It usually occurs, in basketball at least, only after your team has ended their season. Since '07 I have happily been rooting for the Celtics as my second team. But my rooting for them has only really become whole-hearted after the Jazz have been eliminated from the playoffs. It pays, I think, to root for a team that's in a different division than yours. Last year I rooted for the Nuggets in their battle to defeat the Lakers (they were much closer than the Suns). That team was fun to root for: they had a great story. A rag-tag bunch of talented athletes who had all been a little aloof, a little un-team like, coming together under the experienced guidance of Chauncey Billups (a great guy), having Carmello begin to blossom under his tutelage, and making a run at The Finals. I didn't, however, let myself fall too deeply in love with them. And this was wise and it allowed me to disassociate with my past, as the Jazz played them in the playoffs this year.

When rooting for another team besides your own I don't think you can ever root for a franchise. You have to root for good sports stories. You have to root for players and coaches. And you have to root for the team that can exact revenge on your behalf. This Celtics team has not disappointed. They have a great come back story, having been counted down and out in every round and having effectively chopped the heads off of increasingly "difficult" and "the best" teams, starting with the Wades in Miami, then attacking the Lebrons, moving on to their complete dismantling of the Howards (the funny thing is, these last two teams were the Cavs and the Magic, respectively, until they met the Celtics in the playoffs and largely resorted to their superstars and a collection of others), only to culminate (?) in their mirthless and professional destruction of Kobe Bryant and his over sexed lifeless zombie entourage. It's a very kill bill thing, they're working their way up the ladder and leaving piles of bodies at each step. These Celtics also have a plethora of personal stories. Garnett's return, Rondo's coming out party, and the slow and steady professionalism and heart of team captain Paul Pierce are all worth chattering on. Not to mention secondary stories like Nate Robinson's acceleration to the stratosphere, Doc Rivers' quiet gift at coaching personalities, and Rasheed Wallace's ability to turn it off one last time in the playoffs. That last comment on Rasheed capture's this team's larger arc rather nicely I think. I think of this team like the prospective experts in a Heist movie. Many are old and battered, but they've come together one last time for total domination. We will see if this is Rififi, a heist noir tragedy in which their flaws (or the Greek fates) lead to their downfall in the end. I'm starting to get the feeling, however, that this is Ocean's 14: Ocean's Beach Party the plot of which isn't too clear, but it ends with LA blowing up and everyone rich (Rondo is Damon).

I'm not rooting for the Celtics because Bill Russell once played for them (though my grandparents living in the area doesn't hurt). Similarly, I'm not rooting against these Lakers because of a longstanding grudge. I liked the team alright as recently as when Shaq played for them, and have come to hate them for their individuals not for their history. Kobe Bryant is obviously, if not a uniquely hateable guy in sports, the biggest asshole playing basketball today. He is surrounded by a crew of talented, but personality-less people. A further post will further elucidate this point. Suffice it to say, Lamar Odum used to be someone semi-interesting. Now he's married to a Kardashian. Fisher has become a smug dude, he's in commercials, and acts singularly relaxed with a pretentious air of having earned his place as a great (way to be on Kobe's team). Fisher also wants to have it both ways. He acts like a statesman, an ambassador to other players, an advertisement about sportsmanship and being a team leader. Then he makes the cheap tackle fouls. There's nothing wrong with those fouls. Rodman did them, the only difference is Rodman didn't claim to be doing them for his daughter. Pau Gasol is a hard case. He's extremely talented, a very good big man, but he's also a huge bitch. A dude who is quite tall and athletic, but who can not really throw down against other good big man. He's frequently soft when it counts, and hard when it doesn't (like when Boozer is lying on the ground and Gasol's yelling at him). There's the junk squad. And, or course, Phil Jackson. The man who took one of the world's great religions and improved it by applying its principles to a game with a ball. A guy who smugly tries to intimidate refs every game. And who is oft sighted as the best coach ever in the world for his ability to win with Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and Shaquille O'Neal. All and all they're a bunch of smug, human refuse, pieces of garbage that only the soulless money culture of LA could support. I like Magic Johnson and Pat Reilly. It is this particular group of Lakers, the one that knocked my team out of the playoffs for the past three years, that I hate so much. My hatred for the team is even more than the sum of its parts.

I hope that come Thursday, Garnett whipes the fancy floor with Gasol's chicken ass. That Fisher tries to foul Rondo and overextends his arm. That Phil Jackson gets fired. That Ron Artest gets confused and bites Jack Nicholson. That Kobe gets mad, goes all out, and still looses. When you're still watching sports after your franchise has lost, it gets personal. And personally, I completely hate one team, and completely love the other. If the Celtics lose it'll be worse than any other possible outcome (Magic, Cavs, Suns, someone else losing). But if they win, I won't have to live up to my pledge of spitting in Gasol's face should I ever meet him. He'll already have spat in it himself.

2009/2010 NBA Schedule

The 2009/2010 NBA schedule is set to debut this Tuesday, August 4th. I will of course be among the throngs of NBA enthusiasts frantically downloading it as soon as the clock strikes the 1pm release date. But for those of you who won't even be able to make it through the start of another workweek without at least a hint of what is to come (or who can't care less and just want a general overview), here is a small taste of what you can expect.

Like last year, the season will open with a Boston/Cleveland match-up when the Celtics visit Cleveland on October 27th. It will also be the fourth time in six years that a Shaq-Kobe duo have taken the Christmas Day spotlight. While this may be a testament to Shaq's surprising longevity, it is also an indicator of a greater financial agenda.

With their golden ticket player, the mighty Cavaliers will take both of these prime spots ahead of an Orlando team that actually made the finals last year. Understandably, the schedule's construction is a 6 month undertaking beginning in early February, so maybe Matt Winick is still living in the land of pre-Eastern Conference Championship Puppet Land. Or maybe David Stern's feelings about small markets are showing. (Let's be honest, Stern would no rather down a bottle of tobasco than play host to a Denver-Orlando finals, or San Antonio-New Jersey for that matter).

In the end, perhaps it only makes sense for Stern to tend to his own and favor more commercially palatable programming. As part of a larger trend, NBA ratings and profits have been in decline for some time now. This was highlighted in 2006 when a rained-out NASCAR telecast embarassed the NBA with higher ratings than an ABC broadcast of the Lakers-Caveliers/Kobe-Lebron faceoff. In any case, check out the schedule for yourself on Tuesday and let me know what you think. What do you think about the state of financial sense and programming decisions in the NBA?

*As a side note, here is an interesting article regarding the NBA small market dilemma.