So. We are fast approaching the end of an exciting basketball season. This blog will soon come alive as the national conscious switches from March Madness to April Aphasia. In honor of what is sure to be the most glorious epoch in this blog's already legendary canon, we have decided to kick off the festivities by choosing the first annual all dinosaur team. What is the all dinosaur team, you ask? The concept is simple: we answer the question that plagued America's greatest minds; namely, which ball players resemble which dinosaurs. Obviously, simply naming five players and five dinosaurs, while expeditious, would not be in keeping with the standards we have tried to live and blog by. Therefore we will develop a total team, complete with all five player positions, matching dinosaurs to players not only by dint of their physical resemblances, but by personality too.
Like most serious discussions of dinosaurs, ours will begin with the Compsognathus, the small, turkey sized dinosaur that could run quick and eat insects. This awesome dinosaur's obvious NBA correlate is none other than, friend to the blog, Rajon Rondo. Think about it for a minute. Rondo is small and quick. He exists in a world that is dominated by other larger dinosaurs: Garnett, Pierce, and Allen. That means he has to be highly evolved in order to survive. He has to be able to effortlessly dodge in and out of the legs of bigger dinosaurs. He also has to be somewhat of a pragmatist. Unlike the bigger, but ultimately peaceful herbivores, Pierce and Allen, Rondo can't afford to not eat whatever comes across his path. He might have to steal eggs, eat lizards, or even pin another dinosaur's claws behind its back when everyone is looking elsewhere. It is for all these reasons (plus, look at the guy) that Rajon Compsognathus Rondo is the first entry on our All Dino Team.
im pretty sure this is racist
ReplyDeleteLook. I'm not one to think that America's greatest problem with race is that white people occasionally get accused of racism. Far from it. In fact, I believe that the way that white Americans have treated our black brethren is a corrupting cancer on the body politic. While things are markedly better than they ever have been, they are far, far away from acceptable (as some may be reminded of in the current push for a revisionist, cleaned up version of confederate history). And we all bear collective responsibility and shame for the problem. As an American who likes his country, I can hardly keep my wits about me when thinking about the evils that country has inflicted. In addition to poisoning our public discourse and keeping our citizens ever suspicious of one another's motives, racism has deleterious effects on less important aspects of our culture (including some culture this blog is into, hint). I'm pretty sure it plays a role in the public's lack of enthusiasm about the NBA, references to thuggery, a constantly professed love for the far worse (and whiter) basketball of the NCAA, a rabid love of Larry Bird, and all sorts of comments we've all heard (a friend once told me Bibby should get rookie of the year, as he had to try harder than Vince Carter).
ReplyDeleteAll that being said, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. There seems to be a strong correlation between basketball skill and weird facial bone structure that makes you look a little dinosaurish. It's not a black or white thing. Manu Ginobli resembles an oviraptor and Steve Nash looks like a compsognathus. Why didn't I write about them? Frankly, because I don't enjoy Steve Nash or Manu Ginobli. I think they're both assholes and would rather not spend any more time thinking about them than I absolutely have to. The same is true of a certain Euoplocephalus looking friend who might want to exercise a little caution in entering a debate over dinosaur looks.
oh shieet rondo hella kutee
ReplyDelete