Quote of the Day

"What up, scrum?"

-- Implied quote from this actual quote:

“When the Utah Jazz greet the media at their practice facility in Salt Lake City, each player (and the head coach) stakes out a familiar spot in the gym where he addresses the scrum.”

That itself is from an article about how Deron Williams is great. The article isn't great, but it's nice to know our boy might be seated on the first All NBA Team (though Kobe might yet outshine him).

Suffering

Just as Camus' doctor learned, so have we through suffering the HUMILIATION of picking many wrong teams and more wrong games in the first spat of playoff play, particularly out west. The Jazz and the Spurs have both acquired commanding 3-1 choke-holds and join what I'll call the 95% club (see: 181/189). In other surprising news, the Thunder have made a series out of their series in the last 2 games with Westbrook going nuts. Seriously, look again. Dude is exploding. I still think the Lakers win, but it is a lot less certain than it used to be. The Suns-Blazers series is also still up for grabs. If the Suns can score more than 100, they win and if not, they do not. It will be interesting. My doppelganger out east has been slightly more accurate, but still: The Celts have crushed, the Bulls have played 2 decent games, and the Bogutless Buckaroos are still hanging around, down only 1 game. Although our blogging egos have suffered, it is well worth it. I think that these playoffs are the first ones where the leagues talent is really shining through. Last year, there were only 4 teams that had a chance to make the finals. This year may be the same thing, but with the Lakers wounded and the Spurs/Jazz/Suns (?) playing good basketball, I will not be shocked if they miss their chance. So, praised be this sort and long live the King.

(PS I have to credit Salt City Hoops with the image. I literally giggled nervously at Karl Malone's tremendous body for about 3 minutes when I saw it and had to pass it on.)

Quote of the Day

"It was just pick-and-rolls and C.J. made good reads," Williams said. "It was a Ronnie Brewer read... He used to run that baseline. It was just a good adjustment by C.J. I try to tell those guys that a lot of the attention is on me, so when you see the back of a guy's head, just cut to the basket. I'll find you."

Deron Williams wistfully remembers Ronnie Brewer and brags about his assisting abilities. The full article is worth a read. Sadly we all have to grow up and, sooner or later, the time comes when we must say goodbye to former friends. As far as sad friend stories go, however, this one is pretty happy. After all, the Jazz won and everybody got on C.J.'s nuts. We still miss you though Ronnie, best of luck.

C Murder

Celtics-Heat
I was waiting to write this, the last of the first round playoff prediction posts (frppp), until after I saw the much hyped reason Garnett got suspended for game two (video here). I'm glad I waited because it gives me more insight into this series, the only one between two eastern teams that I really feel like I know. The first of those links above discusses how Garnett is one of the worst figures in sports, he must have missed this guy. The article in question also defends Richardson for calling Pierce and Garnett "Actresses." OK. Anyway, back to the matter at hand, that video clip reveals the two teams, all bullshit brushed aside (which is to say all relevant basketball information which makes up 99.9% of who wins a game brushed aside). The Celtics are a rough and tumble lot, sure. They're compass, a slightly ridiculous and overenthusiastic Garnett, can be a bit of a joke sometimes, fine. But they care about one another. Once Garnett got to Boston back in '07, he engendered a sense in all of them that they are a team and that they will play and win together. He started a tradition in which, when a teammate falls, you run (sprint) to help him back up, patting him on the back and getting him back in the game. Watch a guy fall in Boston and you'll see that attitude. It is this attitude that allows the Celtics to be so effectively open to any player on offense and that sets the team up as a defensive monster. It is this spirit of camaraderie that won this team a championship, that Doc Rivers harnesses so effectively as a coach, and (full disclosure) the spirit that makes the Celtics my second favorite team. So, when you punch a guy in the stomach because you can't control your emotions when losing a game, its this kind of spirit that gets you elbowed in the head. Now this elbowing wasn't even nearly as extreme as I pictured it in my head, after all, while eccentric, Garnett is not insane nor is he Dennis Rodman but he is a good teammate. And he will stand by his man.

Contrast that with the Heat. A team that has a lot of promise but way more emotionally unstable loose cannons than any other team, even Denver. And next season, when Dwayne Wade (one can only pray) goes to New York to be paid by Jay-Z, this team will just be an ungodly, unstable mess. Beasley is talented but way too ready to punch people or burst into tears to be effective. Richardson is, well let's just say, a ho. And let me just be clear, there's good unstable and there's bad unstable. Good unstable is Artest, Garnett, Payton, and even Rodman (at times). They'll talk shit, act crazy, and get in your head, but they'll mostly just play basketball and play it well. They won't generally melt down and throw the whole game at the slightest provocation (though we all know those guys I just listed have melted down, but c'mon, blog with me). Then there's bad unstable, which characterizes many players on the Nuggets and Heat rosters. These guys cannot be depended on to finish when the pressure really mounts. They buckle and throw the series. I think it's a sort of team attitude and not just a trait of any given player. The Nuggets had it in droves back in the AI days, when they were all swagger, high scoring, and completely useless against the Lakers, Spurs, or any serious team. And despite Billups' effort to lead the team out of the wilderness, they can still fold like pants (thanks metaphors.com) when tough times come home to roost (thanks mixedmetaphors.com) -- see Mart, K during the final game of last years Nuggets-Lakers series. The Heat is rife with players that exude this ethos and without someone of Wade's caliber to calm them down/perform on the court (and in commercials), they will not see the playoffs again for a long time. I'll stick with my original prediction here (my first one was already disproved in Chicago) and say Cs win in 7, as they have trouble on the road in first round series. But I hope that they do win and that, when they do, they take the advice given in this post's title.

Interesting Stories:
See Above

Prediction:
Celtics in 7 (Game 1, Game 2, Game 5, Game 7)

Playoff update

We are 10-2 now and only 5 or 6 of those were cheating!

Best series as of now:
Surprisingly, I think it is the 4-5 out West. I figured without AK (this nickname comes from his initials) or The Big Chill (this nickname comes from the fact that he is Turkish and doesn't play defense), the Jazz would get steamrolled. It now looks as if this series will go at least 6 games (the Jazz have to win only 1/2 in the hostile ESA) at which point AK might make a triumphant return.

The 2-7 Texas x Texas matchup should also be delicious. Mark Cuban's drop of the H bomb when discussing the Spurs organization should excite some already excitable people.

Worst series as of now:
The bullish cavs stand no chance of losing at this point. Game 2 stood witness to a near flawless game plan from Chicago: they executed well, had a solid defensive scheme, and made shots. Unfortunately, The King will not be stopped and it is becoming obvious that this series is a mere formality.

What to look forward to:
Both Portland and Salt Lake City are downright nasty places to play. Watch these upcoming home games and enjoy them. We may also see something that is certainly going to be a long-term NBA trend: Keven 'the Bront' Durrant (see future post) will win his first playoff game. Keep watching and reading and participating, Alistair.

Milwaukee Yucks

Hawks-Bucks:
Continuing in my grand tradition of making predictions after potentially half of the relevant facts are already on the table (I have a good feeling Joe Biden could be the next VP, guys), allow me to turn my attention towards the Milwaukee Bucks and the Atlanta Hawks. Now I originally called this series in six games, but that was before I realized that Chris Paul and Deron Williams draft-outshining center (and dude resembling my highschool physics teacher) Andrew Bogut went down at the end of the season. Now, thanks to ESPN and perennial versin blogger Bethlehem Shoals, I realize the Bucks don't stand a chance, which is a shame. I liked this Milwaukee team a lot, with its Salomonss, its late season surge, its fear the deer enthusiastic home fan base, and its indy rookie Brandon Jennings. They are now no match to face the lean, athletic, and (in this series at least) constantly dunking Hawks, who also had an amazing season and now have a pretty good shot at sweeping. That's a shame because this could have been the years best series, it will at least, mark the playoff debut of what will soon be one of the East's strongly competitive teams.

Interesting Stories:
Watch Jennings: he nearly tied the playoff record for best debut (in points) in this series' first game and followed it up with 9 points (a solid 73% decrease) in the second. Although there's nothing the Bucks can really do without solid rebounding, boddying, and blocking support in the center, these games will live or die (in terms of excitement) with Jennings' effort. So far this series has mirrored Jennings' performance during the regular season, which saw Jennings alternatively making commentators lose their stuff and scratch their heads. He's a fascinating kid (undoubtedly the number three pick for rookie of the year in an insane group of rookie point guards) and it will be interesting to see if he develops along Vince Carter lines, or is able to rise above the midwestern squalor that surrounds him. Stay tuned to find out.

Prediction:
Atlanta in 5: (Game 1, Game 2, Game 4, and Game 5)

Magic Hero

Magic-Bobcats:
I don't really know much about the Bobcats and was toying with the idea of doing the post as consumate outsider Jackie Harvey (Item: apparently Chicago Bears bigman Maurcel Jordan has got himself his very own South Carolina team -- that joke isn't that much funnier in The Onion). I decided to scrap this idea, however, in favor of the short but sweet post. It seems to me that Charlotte has a good team that's not really ready. They have some amazingly athletic players in Stephen Jackson and Gerald Wallace (one of the only plays I saw the Bobcats perform had Wallace shooting almost straight up to grab a steal, and sprint for a dunk; it doesn't sound so good written here, but trust me it was impressive, he shot up like he had a jet-pack), one of the NBAs top coaches, and a new majority owner in Michael Jordan. They're undoubtedly green, but hungry, and could potentially make the series closer than many (including me) suspect (espn has an article here on how game 1 could have ended differently). But I can't really see them topping the Magic who had the league's best record after the arbitrary all-star break. The Magic's ridiculous and patented "hundreds of three-shooters plus Dwight Howard in the post" style will probably carry them deepish in the playoffs.

Interesting Stories:
Besides the Pietrus v. Wallace and Carter v. Jackson matchups that should be entertaining, the thing to watch in this series is the coaching. Both coaches have reputations as very good in-game coaches adroit at finding match-up advantages for their players and pressing them. Watching Van-Gundy go head to head with Larry Brown in a shifting, chess-like variety of rotations might be the most exciting thing this series has to offer (though there will most definitely be some awesome highlights).

Prediction:
Magic in 5
(Game 1, Game 2, Game 4, Game 5)

Updates and apologies

A quick post about our playoff predictions thus far, sub-par suckahs (but seriously though, friend or foe, you're all our suckahs):

After 3 days we stand at a medium-rare 5-2. This approaches tar-tar once you statistically control for the fact that 3 of these games were much less predictions and much more statements after the fact. I'd like to apologize to Portland (and Zachary Coleman) specifically. They dominated when I thought they would falter. Anyway, Deron Williams, you are my sunshine. Hulk away.

Bullish on the Cavs

Cavaliers-Bulls:
In predicting this series I have the advantage of having been camping this weekend, which (as camping is wont to do) limited my access to Cable TV and the internet. I was therefore unable to post on this series before it started. This was compounded by the fact that, by the time I got around to writing this, the second game of the series ended. Therefore, I definitively know that the Cavs are up 2 games to none and can use this information to predict what will happen next. But, though I'm no frequentist, I didn't need this wealth of information and can throw it away in making my prediction. I need only to study LeBron's face to know the Cavs will win in 4.

This particular Cleveland team is stronger than the one we saw last year. The addition of Shaquille O'Neal and Antawn Jamison make a team many had favored to win it all last year, even more favored. Add to this a rested LeBron, the stinging hunger of a team that lost when they were expected to win (ask the Lakers, if you can rouse them from their current nap), and an expiring contract that may mean this is everybody's (well, everybody except LeBron's) last chance and you get a team that is so motivated to win that they will be tempted to strangle the CityCorps kids who hold the American Flag just to get the game started. These Cavs are not happy. And their lack of happiness makes me think they will eat everyone in their path from Orlando and LA to, should the fools make the mistake of taking them on, the national guard.

In the other corner you have a team that doesn't really belong in the playoffs. Sure, they gave us last year's greatest series. But without John Salmons and Ben Gordon and their 33 ppg its a miracle these kids made the playoffs at all. A "miracle" that was only made possible by a season ending injury to Chris Bosh (we wish Bosh the best and hope his features aren't too altered by his stitches for reasons that will eventually become apparent). Sure Rose and Noah are talented. But they're only slightly more talented than the top two players on any NBA team -- every team does, after all, have a couple of insanely good players. Slightly better than the minimal standard, mixed with Del Negro's sub-par coaching, is not enough to go head to head against the league's best. Expect The Cavs to crush like that machine that crushes cars. And expect to see the Real LBJ move on and up, trying in vain to satisfy his unquenchable thirst for opponents' heads. Expect to check back in with Chicago in July when they woo Bosh and Boozer.

Interesting Stories:
This is likely to be one of the least interesting series this year; nevertheless, it will likely have its moments. If the Cavs are able to actually win a championship I expect a non-trivial amount of ink will be spilled on Shaq (with the tacit assumption that he agrees to retire). Assuming the Cavs actually get past the Magic, his should be one of the more interesting stories this team has to offer. But before he can be crowned 6th best player of all time (if they fail, he'll be stuck at 7th), he's got an early challenge in Joakim Noah. Seeing how he does against Chicago's favorite ugly center (sorry, we're Garnett fans) may be a good indicator of what he'll bring to the Cavs this post-season. Similarly, going head to head against Shaq will be a good way to test the young Noah's mettle on both ends of the court. So far the consensus seems to be that Shaq is back, but let's see if the pattern holds over the rest of the quickest of all playoff series.

Prediction:
Cavs in 4

Rocky Mountain Rumble

Nuggets-Jazz:
The 4th and final playoff battle is the one closest to home (both literally and figuratively.) The Utah Jazz, after stumbling into the playoffs, have collided with another stumbler, the Denver Nuggets. Each team had high ambitions and looked as if it would actually live up to them (see: my prediction that the Jazz would finish 2nd in the West.) Unfortunately, each team also fell prey to injuries and has essentially been ignored (probably correctly) as a serious contender. Martin's injury gained a lot of speculation on a national level. He is Denver's best defender, rebounds the ball well, and scores a decent amount of points. Although he is probably a better player (or has a larger impact) then Kirilenko, no one seemed to notice (except for Jazz fans) just how much Utah suffered with AK out. This injury deserves just as much what-if style analysis as any other going into the playoffs. Now that Okur is also out for the season, this match up does not look all too good for us Jazz fans.

Interesting stories:
Deron Williams will probably continue his gnarly basketball shredding of any defense that has to stop him. It is truly a pleasure to watch him play. It will be interesting to see what happens with this Denver team in the playoffs also. Last year, everyone made a big deal about Billup's ability to calm an otherwise volatile team and bring out the best in the players around him. It now appears to me at least that Denver's natural pre-disposition to being a bunch of punks is outshining Chauncey's brilliant leadership. Will they melt down again or will the gain resolve? Only one way to find out and the ball don't lie.

Prediction:
Nuggets in 5 (Game 1, Game 2, Game 4, Game 5)

The Sun Don't Chill

Suns-Blazers:
Thus Suns are crushing right now. I think this is the 2nd best team in the Western Conference. Nash is experiencing a renaissance in his career, Stoudemire looks like a beast again, and if Robin Lopez gets back in action, this team will be all the better for it. The Blazers have had a really tough season. This blog predicted them to place 3rd in the conference, something I still wholeheartedly believe would have happened were they all healthy. Unfortunately, every team must take its risks, and the Blazers risks have been picking players with a history of injuries. Now they suffer the consequences. Without Roy, this series will serve much less as a competition between these two teams and more as an examination as to how serious Phoenix really is.

Interesting stories:
I always enjoy when Nash gets posted up, and with big bodied Miller, look for the Blazers to do this often. I think Camby is an interesting match up for Amare and Nate McMillan is possibly the coach of the year, so look for that to play out as well.

Prediction:
Suns in 5 (Game 1, Game 2, Game 4, Game 5)

Don't Mess With Texas

Mavericks-Spurs:
The 2-7 match up in the west is pretty intriguing. I really have not loved Dallas nearly as much as others, and I still don't. Hollinger had a great statistic on his most recent post that makes me favor the Mavs, however: team with a top 4 seed and have won the season math up (Dallas-3, San Antonio-1) have won 82% of the series and 41 in a row. Also, how old are the Spurs? Very old. Tim Duncan was not supposed to play in the month of March, and yet had to in order for the Spurs to make the playoffs. Were this series 1 or 2 years ago, I would have picked the Spurs in 5. Given the injuries and the home court advantage...different story.

Interesting stories:
We will get a great opportunity to really judge the caliber of those trades that the Mavs had earlier in the season. This has been a solid rivalry for a few years now, and that is always fun. I believe that this is the last year for the Spurs to be a dangerous playoff team with this current roster. Although they bored me to death when they won a few championships, I have to tip my hat to them and will enjoy watching them as they attempt to burn out instead of fade away.

Prediction:
Dallas in 6 (Game 1, Game 3, Game5, Game 6)

Talking about the playoffs?

Alright boys and girls, it's that time of the year that is better than any other. The sun is out, the clouds are down, and the playoffs are about to begin. As is our tradition, here are the annual picks for who will go where, starting with the Western Conference:

Lakers-Thunder:
Despite a $35,000 quip by the esteemed Jacksonian, this series will go to the Lakers, and quickly too. KD has really developed this year and it will be fun to see him average ~40 ppg on the national stage. Unfortunately, Rodman (Artest), the Cookie Monster (Odom), and Shithead (guess who!) will prove too much for the young guns and this should be similar to last season's 1-8 match-up

Interesting stories:
Durant will continue his maturation into one of the leagues top 2-3 scoring players. Phil Jackson joined the list of worst people ever (for an exhaustive collection, see here) by attacking the class-act-kid (CAK for short). Thus, I'll double my efforts for hoping that the Lakers get embarrassed by someone for the entirety of this series. Also, look for "Scotty" to be the next in a long line of esteemed coaches that steal Coach of the Year from Jerry Sloan. Seriously, I would win coach of the year with a 6-10 monster, or dinosaur? ;) that has the shooting ability of a great two, the handles of medium 1, and the scorability of a god.

Prediction:
Lakers in 5 (Game 1, Game 2, Game 4, Game 5)

First Annual All Dinosaur Team: Pt. 1 Compsognathus

So. We are fast approaching the end of an exciting basketball season. This blog will soon come alive as the national conscious switches from March Madness to April Aphasia. In honor of what is sure to be the most glorious epoch in this blog's already legendary canon, we have decided to kick off the festivities by choosing the first annual all dinosaur team. What is the all dinosaur team, you ask? The concept is simple: we answer the question that plagued America's greatest minds; namely, which ball players resemble which dinosaurs. Obviously, simply naming five players and five dinosaurs, while expeditious, would not be in keeping with the standards we have tried to live and blog by. Therefore we will develop a total team, complete with all five player positions, matching dinosaurs to players not only by dint of their physical resemblances, but by personality too.

Like most serious discussions of dinosaurs, ours will begin with the Compsognathus, the small, turkey sized dinosaur that could run quick and eat insects. This awesome dinosaur's obvious NBA correlate is none other than, friend to the blog, Rajon Rondo. Think about it for a minute. Rondo is small and quick. He exists in a world that is dominated by other larger dinosaurs: Garnett, Pierce, and Allen. That means he has to be highly evolved in order to survive. He has to be able to effortlessly dodge in and out of the legs of bigger dinosaurs. He also has to be somewhat of a pragmatist. Unlike the bigger, but ultimately peaceful herbivores, Pierce and Allen, Rondo can't afford to not eat whatever comes across his path. He might have to steal eggs, eat lizards, or even pin another dinosaur's claws behind its back when everyone is looking elsewhere. It is for all these reasons (plus, look at the guy) that Rajon Compsognathus Rondo is the first entry on our All Dino Team.